Grieving & Mourning — The Process


If you are reading this, unfortunately you probably have a reason to be grieving or mourning the loss of a loved one.  For that I am sorry.


The process I am going to explain really has no rhyme or reason and is in no way the “guide” for this process.


Everything in your life seems to be going along fine and then something happens. Somehow you have lost a loved one, and in this, case it’s your child. The world as you know it is now going to change forever. The way you look at things is going to change forever. You are forever going to change.


At first when this happens you are in shock, disbelief, and you have various other feelings. A million things run through your mind like “How”, “How did this happen”, “This could not have happened”, “Who let this happen”, “How did I not stop this”, “How did I let this happen”, and then the ultimate question comes to mind and that is “WHY”.


These thought processes are going to go through your mind for a long time over and over and over. You will find yourself doing something and then out of nowhere the questions all start coming back again and you will replay them all over. There is no stopping this because it’s all a part of the process.


All of this is going to happen early in the first few days. At the same time you are going to have to cope with doing things that no parent should ever have to do, such as making funeral arrangements, maybe talking to police, making arrangements for family and friends, and it will seem like a hundred and one other things. You would think this is a good thing by keeping that busy but really, with what you already have on your mind, what this really does is drain you completely.


The day will come that you will have to actually have a service for your child; family and friends will attend. You will hear all the things that in the past you may not have thought twice about, such as “It will be alright”, “It will get better”, “He/She is in a better place now”, and various other sayings. It probably won’t register at the moment that they are said, but they will come back to you when everyone is gone and it’s just your time to reflect once again and start on the questions….


Once the day is over and everyone has gone on their way, now is when you will sit and reflect all that has happened in the previous days. You will go through all the same questions over and over again. No matter how many times you go through the questions you will probably never come up with any answers. Or at least you won’t come up with any answers that will actually satisfy you. This will go on for some time.


Now comes the part in which you actually have to survive each and every day. This is by no means ever going to be over. It may get “better” for lack of a better word but it will always be there with you. It will always be on your mind when you may least expect it. This is all part of the normal process. What you have to do is decide how you are going to cope with it. Are you going to just “shut down”? Are you going to “avoid” others? Are you going to “continue” on with your life? Everyone has to make their own choices when this time occurs.

There are ways to help with the process, and that might be having an area in your house where you have things that belonged to your loved ones. You can plan ways at the cemetery to celebrate your child’s life, such as a balloon release. You can create a memorial fund in your child’s name. Maybe just finding that “special” place that you feel comfortable and peaceful at, and just reflecting on all the good thoughts will help you.


Personally I believe you have to “continue” on with your life the best way you can. I believe “our” children would not want us to stop living. As far as the questions, like I said they will continue, and the one that seems to never go away is the “Why” question. I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure that the “Why” question will never be answered.  It won’t stop you from asking it, because it’s just a simple word, and you would expect it to get a simple answer.


My belief is simple and it’s this….”Things happen”. I can’t make it any simpler than that. That is how I justify things at this point. But, I also believe that “our” children are now at peace, and have never ending love. That is the one thing that I will never question.





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